Alzheimers and Guardianship

Moving right along here.....

We've passed the initial discovery of the TIAs, the beginning of the new life of an alzheimers patient, and the knee surgery.

My dad still retained alot of his former self before the knee surgery but his thoughts and his decisions were skewed. He would suddenly decide that he needed to drive. He wanted to drive somewhere, anywhere. At this point, we were afraid of letting him drive by himself but still also still afraid to tell him no. Telling him 'no' meant explaining, again, about the forgetfulness and this could bring on either some serious anger (we were lying about this) or serious crying jags (oh my god, i've got alzheimers!). Standing on the outside of the family, not being one who has to live with it, you might would say that we should tell him and the reaction be damned because you don't want a person like that out on the road. Yeah, that's a good point but it doesn't make it any easier.

Dad started talking one day about getting a new truck. He talked about it for months. The more he talked, the more panicked my mother became. She would call me and ask me what she was supposed to do if he decided to go one day to a dealership and try to buy a vehicle. She was afraid that on the off-chance he would actually get somebody to sell one, they could not afford it. You know, you can't just take a vehicle back to the dealership and say, "he's a sandwich short of a picnic, you'll have to take it back". That just won't fly so my mother got in touch with an attorney to discuss the options. He suggested guardianship rather than power-of-attorney over my dad. This would legally keep people from selling my father anything unless my mother ok'd it. My mother would be in charge of all accounts. Sounds simple, right?

Not on your life.

The papers were filed at the courthouse. The papers then had to be served on my dad by a sheriff's deputy (how well do we think this is going to go over with dad??) for an 'incompetancy hearing'. My mother arranged for herself to be at the house with me and dad when he was served. We were on pins and needles for this. There were two deputies (they thought he may get violent over it) who came in. They were very nice and polite. My dad took the papers, glanced at them and thanked them for coming out. That was it. No anger, no being upset, no nothing. He just went back to watching tv. He didn't understand it so he just ignored it. Wow, a sigh of relief.

The day came when we (the family: my sister, her husband, my husband, myself, mom and dad) gathered at the courthouse in front of the clerk of court (and attorney) for the incompetancy hearing. The clerk asked us questions, asked my dad some questions and then signed the necessary papers making my mother his guardian. It was a sad day. I sat there, thinking, it has all come down to this. I didn't know that it wasn't going to be the worst day although I thought it was at the time.

The guardianship worked well in some instances. It allowed access to his medical records without going through much hassle (as the privacy laws were trying to kick in at the time but hadn't fully). It allowed my mother, later, to be able to have my dad treated at various hospitals and nursing homes for his aggression/illnesses. The downside was that she had to making an 'accounting' for every single penny she spent in his name, down to what was spent on toiletries, food, bills, etc. It sounds easy but you try to go to Wal-Mart and then separate everything on the receipt or separating his 'half' of the water/power bill. This accounting had to be made to the court every year. The paperwork was a nightmare. My mother had to hire another attorney just to straighten it all out and handle it. By the time he was institutionalized, she had to make another accounting to the Department of Social Services (DSS) as well as the court. The balancing act between them was horrible.

In order to be eligible for Medicaid through DSS, you must spend down your money but you can only spend it on certain things (burial plots, funeral expenses, house remodeling, vehicle). The court says that half of that money is dad's and can't be spent on things like house remodeling, vehicle if he doesn't benefit from it. He couldn't benefit from it because he was in a nursing home. If you don't do it like the court wants it done, they put you in jail. If you don't do it like DSS wants it done, they take away the Medicaid that is paying for dad's stay at the nursing home. Neither is willing to give any ground.


Now I am getting all out of order on my story. I guess I'll just have to go with the flow in future blogs.