Dad and the Feeding Tube

I have a few pics that I would like to post but for some reason, they won't upload.

I think I'm trying to do more pics to get around talking about what needs to be thought through.

We have to make a decision by Monday on whether we put a feeding tube in dad or not.

There. I said it.

Actually, this is the second time with dad that we've had to consider this. The first time, he started doing better.

This time, he's not going to get any better.

He is losing his ability to swallow. His body is "forgetting" how to swallow his food/drink. He's been put on honey-thickened liquid. What that means is that whatever drink he has, it has to be the consistancy of honey.

He had what we were told was a 'coughing' episode. The Physician's Assistant (PA) ordered a chest x-ray which came back negative for pneumonia (sp?). Less than a week later, he had a 'gagging' episode while being fed. The food/drink is going into his stomach but a bit of it is going into his lungs. Of course, when it goes to your lungs, you risk infection. Eventually, your body loses it's ability (or forgets) to fight the infection with or without antibiotics.

I believe at this moment, my sister, my mother and I have all agreed on no feeding tube. He can't get any better. The nursing home won't stop feeding him so it's not like he will starve. As he gets infections, they will treat it as best they can. If we had opted for the feeding tube, he would probably bypass most of the infections although it's not guaranteed. He has no "quality of life" as it is. He doesn't enjoy anything. He doesn't get mad or upset. He's just there. No spirit. When he actually focuses on you, it's as if he is looking at a particularly boring painting.

Even though I think we're doing the right thing, it comes with guilt. I know that he would never, ever want a feeding tube but it's hard to know that we've had a small part in the beginning of his death by denying him the tube. The rest of me knows that this is the right decision, what he would want if he could say so.

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