Oh yes. We have deer in our backyard, much to the excitement of the men/boys in my house.
Most evenings/nights, you can find the males of my family crowded around the window on the side door or around the bedroom window, the best seats in the house to watch the deer. The deer come along at various hours of the evening and night to eat what they can of the corn provided to them via the 'deer feeder'. We even have a deer salt-lick. (yum, yum?)
Let me tell you, it really is a big thing to see the bucks that come along and show themselves for their bites of corn. If it looks like a big buck, a buck with a large rack or even a buck with the potential of having a large rack, the guys are all a'twitter. Being the wife of a deer hunter for the past 15 years has taught me a little bit about deer hunting.
1. Don't get in the way as they are going out the door. It will just get you run over.
2. Don't wash the camo. For the love of pete, don't wash the camo with fabric softener if you have already made the mistake of tackling the ready-to-walk-off-by-itself camo outfit. A scowl and a cuss word (or two) is all the thanks you'll get.
3. Don't make plans that include anyone of the testosterone species during hunting season. You'll be lucky to get them to do *anything* the 3 months before hunting season starts because they are busy "getting ready". Compound bows must be looked over, arrows must be checked, guns oiled, bullets bought, all things "blackpowder" must be checked for dryness. Not even impending marriage will bring that man out of the woods. Yes, he would be more likely to stay there (out-of-town) overnight in that case.
4. No loud noises or sudden moves at night. This sets off the nerves of said hunter.
5. Forget sex unless you are into deer ticks and a smelly man who "can't" shower until hunting season is over. You've got no-scent soap? Bawhahahaa!! Wash in that stuff and they will still swear they can smell you.
6. Don't give "hunting" gifts at Christmas or for his birthday if it is near or during hunting season. If your man has shown up at all and manages to open a gift or two before you pass out from his smell, he'll open the first "hunting" (i.e. new bow, new drybox, new possibles bag) and you'll not see him again until it has been checked over, sniffed, tasted and tried out. Twice.
The Do's -
The "Do's" are pretty much the opposite of the "Don'ts".
1. Do sleep late. It's not like it's any use for you to get up with them on their hunting trip. Enjoy the moment and waller all you want. All over the bed. Both sides.
2. Do hide any snacks that don't crunch that you intend to eat yourself. If it doesn't make noise, it WILL go into their backpack for their snack.
3. Do run from the camo. When hunting season is over, it will slump itself in the bedroom corner. If you try to take it down to get it washed, it will BITE. Step away and don't look back. If you must move it, try tongs and heavy duty contractor's bags.
4. Do try to explain to the female children and the male children under the age of 3 that yes, daddy does love them even though he has missed numerous PTO meetings, lunches at school, recitals, etc.
5. Sex is overrated anyway. You get lonely? Try a nice romance or HBO. It's the only romance you'll get until January 2nd, the day after hunting season. Just think! No muss, no fuss, no mess!
6. If you can't think of anything else to get your deer hunter, you can always give them another of whatever-hunting-item they are already have. They never seem to mind having two. If you only have a little bit of money, then you do need to wait until Christmas to give them anything since they will take that first gift and put it through the paces. (See #6 above)
7. Do try to enjoy hunting season. It's the only time you will get to have the house to yourself, especially if you have all male children. Dad is in charge of getting them together, getting them out of the house, getting them through the day and fed and back home again. You can lay on the couch, eat your bon-bons and enjoy the breeze the pool boy is making.
