A Visit To Granddaddy and Daddy

Maybe I should have made this into two posts. It's awfully long....

My grandmother and I went to see my granddaddy (her husband) and my daddy (their son) at the nursing home yesterday.

We stopped by dad's room first. It's easier that way to drop off his clean clothes and get his dirty ones before we see granddaddy. Dad was sitting up in his wheelchair but asleep. I finally got him to wake up. I laid my hand on his chest to check his breathing (checking for the 'rattle' of congestion). He just looks at me like I'm an interesting painting. I talk to him for a bit, not getting any response. I didn't expect any. My grandmama talked to him and tried to hold his hand. He responds like a baby. You know how babies will grab your finger and squeeze? Well, he will too except he is still extremely strong. I thought he was going to crush grandmama's finger before we got her loose. He doesn't do it on purpose, it's just a bodily reaction. Sometimes I wonder if anything is 'clicking' in his head and then I remember that it has alot of places where the fluid has replaced the brain tissue.

We talked with his roommate who is always interesting. His roommate claims to be about my age (and may possibly be about 35 yrs old). I never knew what put him in the nursing home. He told me the other day (between asking for cigarettes... lol) why he was there. According to him, he was smoking crack when he had a stroke. I told him I didn't think that was the brightest move of his life. He didn't think so either. He can't walk, can't use the right side of his body, hardly any short-term memory but knows enough to hold a conversation. He was always so mouthy, so mean to anyone who came in the room when my dad first started rooming with him. I told him that he couldn't be that way because I wanted to bring my kids in to see their pawpaw. Once I started bringing them in, he became a lot nicer. Oh, he stills gets nasty with his nurses/cnas but cuts it out when the kids are in there. I wondered what would happen when I brought my grandmother in but he did so well. He is extremely polite to her. I would have never thought he had it in him. He loves the kids to come in. He always asks about them and their school work.

We went on to granddaddy's room but neither he nor his roommate were in there. (More on his roommate later.) I was putting up his clothes and getting the dirty ones when I heard granddaddy's nurse singing in the hall. She was quite embarrassed to find us in the room, listening to her singing. She has a beautiful voice (and loud, too!). She had found granddaddy hanging out in the therapy room, just watching people exercise. It was time for his Boles so she brought him back. His nurse was also training a new nurse (she will be on weekend duty). His new weekend nurse was a very nice lady from Long Island (Go Long Islanders!!). She seemed rather nervous but I feel she'll do ok once she gets into the swing of things.

As the new nurse worked on his Boles (that's putting food/medicine/water into his peg tube/feeding tube), she talked with us. My grandmother couldn't stand to watch so she rolled her wheelchair forward. My granddaddy held on to me like a child getting a shot. Doing the Boles doesn't hurt so I'm not sure why he did that. He always tells me that it feels a little cold and makes it feel like he's eaten a full meal.

Once done, the nurse moved on to the next resident. Grandmama and I talked to him about what he had been doing (he never remembers and makes stuff up). I had scanned several old pictures (a lot of black and white pics) and printed them out on a single piece of photo paper. I hung them in his room. He really likes to look at them. He shows them to anybody who will stay still long enough to look. There is an 8" x 10" of grandmama and granddaddy together. He is in his army uniform. He really likes that one. I need to get some more together to put on his wall.

Mostly he wanted to tell us about how he had (that very day) to step over dead bodies. He said he leaned against a clothesline and cried. I am wondering if this happened while he was in Japan (right after the bomb dropped) or in the Phillipines where he spent a year during the war. Alot of what he says has a grain of truth in it but it's mixed with other things. We tried to change the subject but he kept coming back to it.

Eventually, he changed the subject himself.

Or rather, *to* himself.

He wants to come home. He can't understand why he can't come home. He doesn't see himself as a person who needs perpetual nursing care. He told us that he was a strong as a bull. When he thought I wasn't listening, he told grandmama to bring him a gun so he could shoot himself.

Grandmama is still trying to get over that one. Her father committed suicide 5 years after she and granddaddy got married. He put a shotgun in his mouth. You can figure out the rest. This just brings back too many very bad memories for her.

We finally got the subject changed, again. We talked about fishing, about his lunch (which was just about to be served) and what a long walk it would be to walk home. I told him that it was time for us to go, that I had to take care of my children who would be coming home from school soon. Granddaddy actually sat at the nurses station and watched me walk down the hall, pushing grandmama in the wheelchair. He watched us with those sad eyes that showed confusion but a reluctant acceptance, at least for the moment.

My feeling is that he has already started his long walk home.