Sae - A little bit of me, A little bit of life

It's 1:38am on Friday morning.

I think I'm breathing again.

Have I gone too long without putting my thoughts down that they are trying to come out in my dreams?

This horrible nightmare:

I've gone to the bank. I'm trying to talk to a lady with the same first name as my daughter. We even discuss a guy I've went to school with many years ago. She's telling me that he now is a sports broadcaster and lives with his dad and his own twin boys. I'm thinking this is great because he didn't seem like he would go far on his own in school (in his future).

The next scene, I'm at WalMart which has (in the dream, of course) a movie theater. There is a movie I'm just dying to see. Mom and I are there. We stop at the concession stand to get chewing gum (chewing gum???) and drinks. We go to the theater in something like a roller coaster. Everything is very clean and we pull up right in front of the screen. Mom realizes that she has to go get everybody else. This everybody else that she pulls up with is my daughter, my grandparents (my dad's parents), my dad and a friend of our family (who has liver cancer). Somebody calls on my cell phone asking for who I thought was my daughter. This person says no, they are looking for somebody else.

For whatever reason, we leave the movie and ride down a road in separate cars. My daughter and mom are with the guy from school in a small, old, dented burgundy Dodge car. My grandparents are in another car behind them. My sister (who is now with us??) is riding with me. My sister's cellphone rings and on the caller id is "Youth For Christ Pizza". My thinking is that her son is there. She ignores it at first. I ask her if she is going to answer it. It stops ringiing and she begins to get upset, realizing she should have answered it. I ask her why we are all riding this way and she says it is a 'back way' to wherever we are going.

Suddenly, up ahead, a tan/beige truck is beside the car my daughter, mom, and that guy are in. Either the truck moves into them on their left side as if passing them or the car doesn't realize they are there and moves over to the left. The little burgundy car begins to fishtail and rolls over, throwing out my daughter and mom. I get out of the car to find that the car my grandparents were in has rolled and thrown them out as well. We're all on the side of a country road, sitting in some green grass next to a fence. I'm holding my daughter up as I watch my granddaddy try to hold himself up in a sitting position so he can breathe. I am thinking that his lungs are filling up with blood. He has has is mouth open and I can see him trying really hard to breathe. Either my daughter's leg or my grandmother's leg is over one of his and this tan/beige truck is running over their legs. I am not hurt at all but I can't hold my daughter up and my granddaddy at the same time. I'm panicking. I'm looking at my mother or maybe my sister but I'm calling my daughter's name to help them. I'm begging. Please, please.
I can't help them all.

I wake up and here I am.

I can't shake the dream.

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Update Time:

I'm falling apart. In pieces. Not tiny pieces. Large chunks.
I am scheduled for a biopsy on my right wrist to see what kind of skin cancer is there. I know it's some kind but what kind, I don't know. This happens this coming week while I'm at the dermatologist with both of my grandmothers. The dr wasn't sure which day he would do it on so I don't know which grandmother will be a witness and the one to tell all since nobody knows yet.

Yep, it's all about me I think.

I've got what I think is a pinched nerve in my lower back. It's been there about 3 1/2 weeks now. I thought whatever it was would work itself out by now. No such luck.
I've been eating advil and tylenol like candy.

Grandmama #1 has been at me for two days to go to the dr. I don't have time to go between all the appts set up for both sets of grandparents. I know the caregiver has to take care of herself but when???

I think I'll update on dad and granddad later. I'm starting to get sleepy again.

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