Has It Been That Long?

Has it really been that long since I blogged?

I guess time just got away from me. Too many irons in the fire????

What's going on with me........... hmmmmm............

Every-flipping-thing.

My husband started out with iritis back on Feb 6th. He just woke up one morning and his eyelid was drooping and his vision was blurry in that one eye. He wanted to wait to see if it would clear itself up. That's his way of thinking. If you ignore it, it will go away. Well, guess what? It didn't and still hasn't.

Oh, the iritis is gone but the eyelid is still drooping, blurry vision and headaches daily.

When the first eye dr said that he didn't know what caused the eyelid to droop and didn't seem too interested in finding out, we decided to get a 2nd opinion.

Sometimes a 2nd opinion is a good thing and sometimes not.

The 2nd eye dr dropped the bomb on us. He did a few tests and told us that my husband had Horner's Syndrome.

What?????

Horner's Syndrome is when the nerve that runs from the brain, down along the lung and back up the eye (where it splits and goes to the pupil and the eyelid) is damaged. He didn't know what caused the damage so my husband has to get an MRI, MRA and a CT scan. The earliest it can be done is March 27th. That was 2 freaking long weeks of waiting. Of course, since March 27th isn't here, we're still waiting. We go back on March 29th for the results. According to several websites that I've looked at, the damage is irreversible.

The scary part: The dr started talking about tumors and cancer and other causes for the damage. My mind stopped at tumors and cancer. My husband is 43 yrs old. I need him. I can't live without him. He (and my children) are my whole world. Everything that I thought was important slid completely away. Of course, after we came home from the appt and my husband left to go on to work, I did research of my own. I have come to fully believe that a little knowledge is not necessarily a good thing. All I did was scare the bejeebers out of myself. I cried for days. For all of my selfishness, it even crossed my mind to take my own life because I can't live without him. I could never do it because I must and want to be here for my kids but I couldn't help thinking. Hollow. I feel very hollow.

I've looked and looked all over the net trying to find information. I did find that cluster headaches could be the cause. They have the same symptoms. As bad as cluster headaches are, I would rather that be the cause than some horrendous tumor growing in my husband, so far unchecked. Please let it be something easy. Please let me keep my husband.

It just kills me too that here lately, I thought we were turning an important corner in our marriage. We were getting closer, not that we were ever far apart but we were 'clicking' so well together. Now this. What am I supposed to do???

Now on to other things....

Granddaddy #1 is doing ok. Daddy is not. He has lost 10 lbs in a month plus an extra 5 lbs this week. He is aspirating everything including his own saliva. I guess it's only a little time before either pneumonia sets in for the 1 - 2 punch or his brain just flat out forgets how to swallow properly. Part of me wants him to go on and die peacefully so that he isn't suffering or having such a low quality of life. Part of me doesn't want to let go. He is still my daddy even if he's just a shell of what he was.

Enough for tonight.